What Wilson Knows & What House Knows
by KidsNurse
Summary: FIRST: Wilson knows something that no one else seems to have yet figured out,not even House.  NEXT part: House knows that he's put Wilson in a tough position, but as always, House has his reasons. Second part added 10.26.07
1. What Wilson Knows

**Title: **What Wilson Knows  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Angst  
**Characters:** Wilson, House, Cuddy

Wilson sighs, stops writing, lifts his head, and gazes across the lobby towards the raised voice. House is exiting the elevator, engaged in an animated conversation with the radiologist. It's more of a monologue, really; Dr. Hendrickson is simply House's unwilling audience. Wilson watches, amused, as the man bobs his head at House and tries to step away. Wilson's unable to bite back a smile when he sees the tip of House's cane come down firmly on Hendrickson's left shoe and stay there, essentially pinning him in place while House continues to harangue him.

Cuddy walks to the door of her office and watches Wilson, watching House. There's something she's always wondered about, and she sees it now--despite the indulgent, affectionate smile on Wilson's face as he observes his friend's antics, there's a sadness in his eyes. He masks it well; it's doubtful that anyone other than Cuddy even notices. But Cuddy sees it every time Wilson looks at House. When she first noticed it, all she saw was the sadness--but every once in a while, she can see guilt and grief hiding there too. Yet the _why_ of it all continues to elude her.

Wilson actually laughs out loud when House says something that causes Hendrickson to hold up his hands in a clear plea for mercy. Wilson's laughing--but that _look_ is still there, and finally his sorrow threatens to overcome her too, and so Cuddy turns away, deeply and inexplicably affected by his private hurt.

As House continues to expound on whatever it is that's upsetting him, Wilson goes back to filling out the prescription in front of him. He looks again at the latest liver enzymes--they've made it safely through another month. When House, moments later, stalks by him, Wilson doesn't even look up from the labs; he simply holds out the prescription.

House snags the piece of paper and glances at it. "For me? You shouldn't have!" And then he's gone.

"No," Wilson agrees quietly, looking after him. "I shouldn't have." And if Cuddy had still been observing Wilson, she'd have seen that mysterious, guilt-tinged sadness return full force. Because Wilson knows.

Wilson knows something that no one else seems to have yet figured out--not even House. Only Wilson knows, and he's still surprised that he continues to carry the secret alone. It's not going to be an angry patient. It's not going to be a blood clot, or an electrocution, or even an overdose. No. Wilson _knows_ what's going to kill House. So he carries the sadness, and the guilt, and the grief, because the weapon that will yield the mortal blow will be Vicodin.

And Wilson will wield that weapon...


	2. What House Knows

**Title:** _What House Knows__  
_**Rating:** PG  
**Genre:** Friendship, a bit of angst  
**Summary:** House knows he's put Wilson in a tough position--but he has his reasons.

This piece is the companion to last week's _What Wilson Knows_

  
House strides to the pharmacy, the scrip from Wilson in his hand. As he hands it over and waits for the pharmacist to fill it, he palms the last Vicodin from his current bottle and slips it discreetly into his mouth. Normally, he'd make certain that everyone in the vicinity _knew _that the cripple was down to his last pill--but Wilson's been getting better lately about being prompt with the refills. So, probably not a good idea to do anything that might send someone complaining to his... his what? 

Drug dealer? Pusher? Supplier? Yeah, _supplier _works--Wilson _supplies _what House needs so that House can continue to function. And if what House needs will also eventually kill him? Well, the way House sees it, that's acceptable collateral damage.

Occasionally, it crosses House's mind that this may put his best friend in a less-than-comfortable position. But House knows something that allows him to justify what this might be doing to Wilson.

When the time comes, that inevitable, inescapable point after the words 'liver transplant' or 'renal failure' have been spoken, when House has refused (because he _will _refuse) any life-prolonging measures, House knows what he wants--and what he _doesn't _want. He doesn't want some cold, impersonal hand holding the gun, some stranger's finger on the trigger. He wants someone almost as intimate with the pain as he is. He wants Wilson.

Wilson understands something about the pain that no one else does, that no other doctor would even _try_ to understand. Wilson's aware that Pain is a tangible entity in House's life, as real and solid as Wilson himself. Pain is like a despised relative, but a relative who House isn't fortunate enough to see only once a year at a holiday dinner, and then forget about for the next three hundred and sixty four days. Pain happens to live under the same roof, and must therefore be acknowledged daily. Pain's needs must be met, and Pain must be treated with something approaching respect. And Wilson's willing to do that, even when House is not.

Wilson does something else that House cannot allow himself to do; he's _gentle _with the pain. He's kind to it, and acknowledges and fills its unending needs. House won't do that; he _can't_ recognize Pain's existence on any but the most superficial level. If he did, then he'd have to acquiesce to its strength, allow it to sweep him away from all that's important to him--Pain, House knows, is a jealous and possessive creature. So he counts on Wilson to feed Its demands from a safe distance.

When the day comes that the pain is stronger than Wilson's attempts to appease it, when those very attempts are costing House his life, Wilson should feel no guilt. Because yeah, Wilson's been wielding the weapon all along--but it's a double-edged sword. House knows this as well as he knows his own name. Wilson might occasionally wonder if his actions will eventually murder House. But House will make sure --before that last day comes--that Wilson knows that the man who vanquishes his pain is _also _the man who will, in the end, release him from it forever. And Wilson needs to know that, as far as House is concerned, providing that release doesn't make Wilson a murderer; it makes him a liberator. And _that_, thinks House, is the ultimate absolution.


End file.
